Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda

Reposted from my old blog dated July 2008.


"Dont cry because it's over. Smile because it happenned."
- Dr. Seuss


This morning got me thinking about my what ifs and what could have beens.

It has been exactly 37 days since I took that plane ride which could change my life forever. 37 days of not knowing what's next or what life has in store for me...

I have been missing what I do - or what I used to do. Everyday, I think about everything I've left behind. Lazy ass that I am, I miss my job. I miss getting up, calculating 1 1/2 hours to figure out what time I need to be in briefing. I miss wearing my uniform, my red hat, putting on my make-up, my red lippie. I miss dragging my suitcase to the street while waiting for a cab under the Dubai heat. I miss flight briefings, "Yvette from the Philippines", the bus ride to the aircraft, pre-departures, safety and security checks, crew meals, plane food. I miss layovers, shopping, adventures. I miss doing nothing on rest days, sleeping in at the hotel on layovers. I miss EVITA, press 2 press 1. To cut it short, I miss what I do...

I've had great memories: My life gradually changed. I've had experiences I never thought I'd have this early in my life. I never thought I'd see the Grand Prix in Monaco, see the Colloseo that I've dreamed about ever since I fell in love with The Gladiator, see Will Smith shoot a scene at the Times Square... Most of all, I've met a lot of people and gained friends along the way. Who knows when or where I might see them again, but still...

I cant't really say now how my life is or will be. All I know is that it hasn't really been easy adapting to changes. I've been doing nothing for the past month and it gets really boring, you know. I still haven't figured out what I want to do, what kind of job I want to venture in. Lusting over a pair of shoes that I'd really love to have but know that I don't really need -- before I felt like I could afford anything, now I need to stick to a budget and prioritize the needs over wants.

I learned a great lesson: Never take things forgranted.

At the end of the day, I am happy right where I am. I am with the people I love the most and that's more than I can ask for. I'm home...

The best part? Aiden telling me everyday that he's happy because "You're here" and "You're with me".

They say that to move on you have to learn to let go of your past. I can't do everything all at the same time, so for now, I'm letting go of the one thing I've been missing the most.

This is Yvette from the Philippines, 377013, signing out..